15 months later....

Hey everyone,

Just a quick update because today is our 15 month anniversary of having Toby in our family...  What has changed since that glorious moment when he became our son?  I am glad you asked!

1)   Today, our little boy has a language of his own.  He is signing proficiently in American Sign Language and doing great in communication.  If he doesn't know a sign, he asks me and then I explain it or act it out. Try explaining the word  "decide", "commercials", "weather"  or even the word" explain"...Phew....   I make sure and use it a few more times so he can understand.  He usually mimics everything I do so that he can catch on quickly.  He repeats everything I sign in his way of signing..  His learning style is interesting.  I LOVE seeing those signs pop up again in conversation and he uses it in the right context and concept.  I am SO thrilled at the progress he has made in language.

2) I just got his Preschool  progress report.  The teacher says "Toby continues to develop skills that are above his age expectancies for peers of the same age. He knows and identifies 31/40 pre-primer Dolch sight words and he counts to 30. "   My heart leaps for joy when I hear these words.  15 months ago, our boy did not have any language and did not know any English or Chinese. He was a blank slate with an intelligent mind.  To hear that he is above the other children in his class, is unbelievable.  He has come so far in such a short amount of time.  If you could see him read these little books that he brings home, your jaw would drop.  He is a remarkable boy with such a beautiful mind.  We are so proud of his accomplishments!

3)  He had a medical check up and is doing GREAT.  He is now in the 50% in both height and weight.  He has grown about 4 inches since coming home.  He has also learned to love American food, especially the snacks!   He still is having a hard time eating red meat... not gonna force that one, but maybe in time he will try more.  He is growing like a weed!

4)  Toby LOVES family!  He writes our names all the time,  talks about us all the time and wants us to always be near him.  It is a joy to have a little boy clinging on me during the day.  His squishy kisses are the best!  He loves being a helper and he can be so thoughtful.

5) Toby loves church.  He is involved in Sunday School with kids his own age.  He is in Preschool Praise, Special Connections, as well as Awana.  I can't thank the team of interpreters (runners) that help us with Toby on Sundays and Wednesdays.  They are a God send to our family!  Toby volunteers to pray at family dinner every night.  I am sure the Lord is smiling when that little guy starts signing his prayers.

6) Toby's behavior is improving.  It is much slower than the other items listed, but my high energy, anxious sweetie is learning that he is not the boss and that Mom and Dad are.  He is showing signs of knowing this and we are grateful.  Just in the last week, he is making a HUGE turn around from when I posted last time.  He is actually saying "Yes Mom" after I ask him to do something.  We about fell over when he did it all day on Saturday.  We know he is an active 5 year old boy so we have some balance with how we manage his behavior, but he is definitely improving and we couldn't be more happy!  I still run after him and take him to time out many times a day, but slowly but surely.. Maybe when he is 18, he will finally get it!  (:

Keep praying for this little guy!  He brings more joy than we ever imagined.  We are SO blessed to have him as well as our other children.  Each one brings a special touch to our family that can't be matched.  We thank God for the gifts He has given us everyday!

Hitting the year mark and then some....

Hello there... I know it has been a while since I have written on here.  We hit the 1 year anniversary of having Toby with us on December 17, 2014.  With the rush of Christmas and the grey skies of winter, I have not been too motivated to write.  I did post this on Facebook when we hit the year mark...

"Today is our 1 year anniversary for our GOTCHA day. We are so blessed to have this precious boy in our family! We love you Toby!"

I also posted several videos so friends and family could see us getting Toby in those first unforgettable moments.  We really had a great time reflecting on those moments.  In the middle of celebrating our son's 1 year anniversary of being ours,chaos hit our home.  Cassidy had her tonsils removed and had a horrible recovery, the flu bug hit 3 members of our family, 1 sinus infection hit me,  plus we had a faulty toilet and van.  PLUS CHRISTMAS!   Do you know now why I did not write my blog in December and in January?  Yep, you guessed it... LIFE!

So today is February 24, 2015... the holidays are in the past, we are all feeling better (with the exception of my knotted up digestive system) the van is still trudging along, our toilet is repaired....things are a little less stressful in some ways and VERY stressful in other ways that I can't go into now.  I know that we all have stress in our lives...life is not easy for the majority of us, but I still desire to reflect on the blessings of life.  I am so blessed to have my family!  I love my husband dearly and always wonder why in the world  he choose me.  My kids are growing up so fast and my emotions are all over the place as I think about their futures.  Bethany is a Junior in college, 20 years old and trying to make decisions about her future.  Luke is going to be graduating from high school in 3 months and just turned 18.  He is trying to make decisions about his future.  Cassidy is right in the middle of being a kid and a teen and it kills me to see her start to grow out of the kid phase. Meanwhile, our Toby runs non stop all day long.  He has such a joy and energy about him that I can't comprehend.  I mean, he had such a hard life before we got him, but yet he still has joy.. That amazes me and teaches me in so many ways.

I don't really have a theme or topic for this blog post.  I am just sharing my thoughts and updates.  So if there are a lot of rabbit trails... forgive me.  I am just talking from my heart.  

Life has been chaotic in the past few months for me.  If you know me, I don't enjoy chaos.  I love organization and planning, but stress and chaos have overtaken my peace.  I am trying to do some changes in my own heart by the way I act in certain situations.  My responses and attitudes have not been acceptable.  I am trying to be a more positive person.  I am trying to let the little things slide, but it is SO hard for me to not get worked up over the smallest things. Have you been there?   If you have been in this situation, then you understand.  Please pray for me to get my act together so that I can be the best wife and mom that I can be.  Thank you!

As far as Toby,  he gives us so much joy and laughter, but he still struggles with his behavior.  He is so difficult at times.  It seems that when we hit the year mark, he took many steps backward.  It was almost as if he thought in his mind, that the year was over, now I am going to move on to another place.  At that point, he acted out just like he did the first month we had him.   It has been hard.  I love him from the bottom of my heart, but the past couple months, I have been so disappointed that the progress he made the first year kind of went down the tubes.    I thought we were on target for things to be "normal" around my house, but we had a setback.  It seems to be a bit better lately, but it is still challenging at times.    Please continue to pray for Toby as he learns the meaning of authority in his life, the meaning of unconditional love and the meaning of family.  I see glimpses of his understanding, but he still struggles.   I am so blessed to be his Mommy.  I am so grateful that God gave him to us.  Would life be easier if we didn't adopt?  Maybe....  but the joy that he gives us far exceeds any stressful moment.    Adoption is so hard, but yet so wonderful!!!   I can't describe to you how blessed I am to have had this wonderful opportunity to gain another son!  He is an answer to my prayers and has brought healing to some emotional scars.   And just to let you know, we are open to whatever God has for us.  He may want us to adopt again.  As hard as it is at times, I am willing to do whatever He calls us to do.  

Maybe my next blog post will be more thematic  and more structured, but for now, this is me... transparent, reflective, and honest.  

Happy Chinese New Year 2015!  As you can see, our boy is growing in all areas...physically, socially, mentally and emotionally.  Please keep praying for him.  He is going to do great things one day.  I just know it! (:

Chinese New Year 2014

Chinese New Year 2015

Heart Melts once again.....

Happy 11 months to our sweet Toby!  The other day the kids and I were talking and we all agreed that this year has flown by.  In one sense it has been the hardest year ever and in another sense, time has flown and the joy that we have experienced is indescribable.   After having Toby in our lives for 11 months now, we are starting to see some good changes.  He is in a good routine and is starting to turn a corner in all areas.  (Notice the word starting to...)  We have not fully reached our goals, but I am seeing a lot of  promise.  Since the last blog, we have had some fun as a family with fall activities, Toby's first Halloween, Orphan Sunday at our church, Toby's 5th birthday, Toby's dedication at church and Toby's first Kidzpraise musical.  It also snowed on this 11 month celebration so that was an extra blessing to enjoy.    All of these activities have been so much fun for Toby and he has really grown closer to us.

The main thing is Toby is overcoming some areas that have been a struggle for him and for all of us.   Here are some examples:

 Just this week, Toby has been going to bed without me laying with him and for the most part, staying in his bed all night.  This is a BIG accomplishment.  I have been laying with him every night as he falls asleep.  Although that was not what I did with my other children, I felt that I needed to do this with Toby because of the terrified face he would give me each night.  I told myself that he will NEVER have to cry himself to sleep ever again once we brought him home.  Today marks one week of him finally understanding that he is safe and can go to sleep alone and when he wakes up, he will know that we are there for him!  We are so happy about this accomplishment for him (and I am getting more rest as a result.)

Toby was so well behaved at his first Kidzpraise musical.  He followed directions and sang all of the songs in perfect rhythm with the other hearing children.  He amazed me at this performance.

Toby can still be destructive at home and loves to make messes, but he is the first one to want to help clean up.  He LOVES to do chores and helps as much as possible around the house.  Yesterday, he was taking the trash out to the garage by himself without me even prompting him.  The full bag was bigger than him.  (:

My favorite change that is happening to Toby is his affection and expression of his love.  Since day one, he has always been affectionate to all of us, but not able to express with words how he feels.  (WARNING:  HEART MELTING MOMENT)    Last night, as I was tucking him in and praying with him, I told him in ASL " Mom is happy that you are my boy."  He responded with "Toby is happy that I am your son."  The tears flowed and he asked me why I was crying.  I tried to explain to him that what he said made me so happy and it is OK to cry happy tears.  He smiled and wiped away my tears.  What a precious heart he has!  (I told you that it was heart melting.. wink)

All of these good things are showing up more and more, but he still struggles with behavior and being mischievous at times.  Plus his energy level is still REALLY HIGH.  It is hard to keep up with him at times... especially at church on Sundays.  He also still has night terrors.  It is really difficult to see him go through this.  I have no idea what he has been through before we got him, but I think these terrors are evidence that the trauma is still in his mind.  He is sound asleep when he is going through the terrors.  When he wakes up, he doesn't know what caused it and he is back to himself.  It really is puzzling to me.

The upcoming month will be busy with the holidays and finally celebrating our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of having Toby in our lives. Can you believe that it has been a year????  I can't.. our trip to China is still very fresh on our minds.  We are so blessed to have had this opportunity to bring this precious child into our home and into our hearts.  God is so good.   Please don't forget about the orphaned children both here in America and in other countries.  They need a home and they need to belong to families that will love them unconditionally.  Our lives will never be the same! Will you pray about what you can do?  Your life will never be the same either!

Toby's first Halloween!

Happy 5th Birthday Toby!

Everyone is singing Happy Birthday to Toby in ASL.  It was so heart warming!

This is Toby's expression as he is watching everyone sing to him.  This was the first time he actually had a language where he could understand the birthday song.  So touching...

Lots of friends came to Toby's big celebration!

Thank you to ALL of our family and friends who sent Toby a card.  He was SO happy to get so many cards in the mail!

Toby at his first Kidzpraise musical.  He did great!

Thank you to both Janet Boucher for doing so much to help Toby at church.  I so appreciate so many friends that have stepped up to assist Toby on both Sundays and Wednesdays.

November 17, 2014.... Really it is November...(:

10 months later....

Time is flying by way too fast in some ways, but still going slow in other ways.  It is so hard to believe that it has been 10 months since we were given the gift of Tobiah Jianke Faile.   I can still remember what we were doing one year ago to prepare for his arrival.  We had a month of fundraising in October 2013 and called it "Octoby" since it was all dedicated to getting that last bit of money that we needed for travel, etc.. And now we are back to October 2014 and we have him... it just seems so surreal .  I am still so in awe of the fact that we were given this precious boy. He is a precious addition to the Faile household and I can't wait to see how God is going to use him in the future.  But I always think about the question... WHAT IF WE DIDN'T OBEY GOD'S CALL TO ADOPT?   What would that look like?

Well I guess it would look like this....we would have a very quiet, comfortable life.  We would still love our three biological children and do things with them.  We would still teach and preach at our jobs.  We would still have joy and love in our home.   We MIGHT have a cleaner house. (LOL)  We would have a lot more down time.

As good as that sounds, there is A LOT that would be missing that we have experienced these last 10 months.   Since Toby has arrived, the joy that he brings to each one of us is overwhelming.  Every day, he does something that makes us laugh out loud.  His cuteness factor is off the charts.  His personality is so much more over the top than we knew, but wow, he entertains and makes us laugh so many days.  I guess if he wasn't here, that would have never happened.

 American Sign Language has hit our home in a huge way.  We all have to sign everyday, every moment with Toby.  Our children have all improved greatly in their signing ability.  We have had more exposure to Deaf culture, Deaf education, Accommodations, Benefits, Community support, etc..  It has been so enlightening to see so many people in our church, neighborhood and community impacted by this one little boy.   This would not have happened if we didn't have him.

My heart has been burdened for the orphan in ways that I can't explain in the past 10 months.  We visited orphanages and foster homes while we were in China, and it changed my perspective of life.  When I listen to people here in the states talk about how they can't adopt and give excuses, I would love to challenge them to go to an orphanage and see if it doesn't affect them.  It makes you want to bring more babies home, to love them and teach them..  I KNOW that not all people can adopt.  There are medical requirements, financial requirements, and even age requirements, BUT if your family could pass all the requirements, would you adopt?  Would your excuse be that you can't love another child that is not your own?  Would your excuse be that you have no room in your house for another child?  Would your excuse be that you don't have $30,000 to pay the adoption fees?  Initially, in November 2012, those were my reasons, but after I prayed with my husband and gave those burdens to the Lord,  HE wiped away those fears and doubts and as a result I have this little blessing straight from God himself!  He answered all of our prayers and gave us a stronger faith in Him.  We not only got a blessing with gaining our son, but we were blessed to see God take care of everything for us.  We would not have experienced these blessings if we didn't go through with the adoption..

Don't miss out on YOUR blessing!  It will be hard!  It will be a challenge!  It will be messy!  But all those things are worth the bigger blessing that you will get as a result of your obedience to God to care for the orphan.

Even though we don't have as much down time for ourselves (selfish reason) and our house is messier then it used to be (selfish reason), bringing our baby boy into our home was the best decision we ever made!  (blessing)  

Here is an update since the last post:

We finally got to celebrate Cassidy's 11th birthday here.  She chose to go bowling with a few friends and it was Toby's first time.  He went past the line and slipped hard on his bottom.  Of course, he laughed it off and we warned him to not cross the line. haha (Teachable moment)   Cassidy had a great time and we are so blessed that our little sunshine is lighting up our lives EVERYDAY!

We also had a Deaf Awareness event  here in Dayton.  I set up a table to represent our Deaf ministry at Patterson Park Church.  It was a very successful time to meet many Deaf friends in the community and get the word out about our church.  We even got to perform  two songs as the Ohio version of "Silence Broken" took the stage.  It was an awesome weekend both at the event and at church the next day!  Toby loved it too! He will definitely be a "Silence Broken" member one day! (:

My hubby had a hernia surgery, but is doing much better.  He still is not allowed to pick up more than 20 pounds so you can guess who has been carrying Mr. Toby around lately.  No wonder why my knees and back have been sore. (:

We also got to welcome another adoptive family home from China with their little boy.  What a joy it is to see so many obedient families from our church caring for the orphan through adoption and fostering.  Welcome Ian McDowell!

Happy 20th Birthday to our daughter, Bethany September.  We are so blessed to have our little jellybean in our lives.  She makes us so proud and we know that God will use her greatly in the future! (:

We had Luke's last IEP meeting since he is Senior.  He has made huge strides in his education and we are so proud of him!  He is looking forward to graduating in 2015.  Pray for him as he is thinking about his future plans!  Whatever he decides, we are confident that God will be glorified.

We had our first IEP meeting for Toby.  The teacher has told us that Toby is very advanced in her preschool class.  He is a little Einstein and it is hard to keep up with what he is doing educationally.  He is starting to read words.  He has a love for stories and math.  Keep in mind that he is 4 years old and only has had a language for 10 months.  He had nothing before that. Yes, he went to school in China, but he really did not have an opportunity to communicate effectively.   We are so proud of his accomplishments!  I am sure that he will be ready to start Kindergarten next fall.  He probably is ready now.

We had the opportunity to go to Cleveland to visit my Dad for his 75th birthday.  Toby was so excited to see his Namma and Poppy.  We had such a nice time together, but he got the surprise of his life .  We went to a flea market that my parents love to go to and Toby's best friend from China, who was recently adopted, lives in the SAME TOWN as that flea market.  It is about an hour from Cleveland.  Both of us moms arranged the meeting  and the reunion was priceless as you could hear little Jonathon yelling "Toby, Toby, Toby"  as he approached him.  The look on Toby's face was priceless.  He could not believe that his best friend was there with us in Ohio.  His first reaction was to immediately hug him and kiss him.  He couldn't stop hugging his friend.  What a blessing for us all! God is so good to have brought this two friends back together!


In the next blog, we will be celebrating Toby's birthday!  It will be his first one with his family.  We are so excited for him.  I am trying to arrange a "Long Distance Birthday Party" for him.  He LOVES Disney greeting cards.  Every time we go to the store, he wants a card for his birthday.  I keep telling him that he has to wait until his birthday.  So if you wouldn't mind, could you send him a Disney birthday card for his birthday?  I would also LOVE a picture of your family signing "I LOVE YOU" in ASL so he can know who you are.  This would be a great gift for him to get mail, get his favorite cards and see how many people love him.  I would appreciate you doing this if you can!  His birthday is November 8, 2014.  He will be 5 years old.

Our address is:
2125 Wedgewood Drive
Beavercreek, OH 45434

Thank you and God bless you all!

Its hard to believe that both of them are in the same youth group. One is a Senior and one is a 6th grader.

Happy 8th birthday to Chia!

The best place in my parent's house!

Happy 75th birthday Dad!  

Toby showing Jonathon how to sign his name..